It is still so common that it blows my mind. I used to do the same, do not get me wrong. I am crossover person (not trainer, I have started my education as animal trainer and behaviour consultant only in establishments that use and promote positive reinforcement and force free methods). But I used to use punishment as form of communication with my first dog ( I wish I could go back in time, but I cannot).
I used to be one of those people who truly did love my dog soooo much and thought of her as my best friend, but did use punishment when I though that she misbehaved (now I know that she was just being a dog, no more no less). I though that it has to be done that way, how else would she learn that she was bad?
I was told that by others, plus I was a kid when I got her.
I guess I did not think that it was contradictory.
But IT IS, on so many levels.
So now when I know why punishment does not work and what are negative consequences, I wonder how is it possible that we truly DO love animals that we share our lives with but we do not have a problem of inflicting them pain and communicate though intimidations. By We I mean a big chunk of the human race.
Is it cultural; are we influenced by the ways we were brought up; is it lack of empathy, and lack of understanding?
I guess combination off all – but most of all it is lack of proper education.
People do as they where told by previous generations – it has always been done that way. Period.
They do not question: BUT WHY do I have to hit, yell or talk in a threatening tone to my dog when he comes to me 10 seconds later that I wanted him to come.
What do I really communicate to my dog when I do that?
Do I want my dog to be afraid of me? Is that the relationship that I strive to have?
Most of the people would than say: “NO. I LOVE my pet; I do not want him/her to be afraid of me!”
And proof that so many people in fact do not truly want to punish I get from my clients. After we have first consultation that is mostly talk about behavior, learning, motivation and such, so many of them say: “Wow what a relief, I though I had to punish my dog but did not really want to and would always feel bad about it.”
Same goes for me, If I knew than what I know now, I am sure that I would act differently towards her. Thankfully she taught me so much through our relationship and I stopped it quite soon, but still I feel bad.
I wrote about her in one of my previous Blogs: https://www.vagabond.com.hr/livingworking-with-fearful-dog/
That is because in general people get information on how to raise their pet through wrong sources. In my country things are also not regulated and everyone has an opinion about animal training. Nobody questions the source but just believes everything they were told – it does not matter who that person is. He must know – he has a dog/cat/horse etc.
Than we have TV shows that promote “quick fix intimidation energy psssst kick in the ribs methods” that magically work (yes on TV – it is a SHOW). And online you can find absolutely everything and than people of course get even more confused. Than they try ALL OF IT on their poor pet. And at the end give up.
Which mostly does not end up with happy ending for both parties…
So Punishment in the name of love (I love my pet so I have to discipline (punish so that he knows better) her/him) has no logical base – because punishment will NEVER be expression of love.
Love heals, makes us feeling blissful and content, it creates very strong bonds.
Punishment creates wounds (mental and physical), it makes us feel stressed, dissatisfied, it lowers self esteem and it breaks bonds.
Same goes for our pets.
So please think twice before you use punishment as a form of communication with your pet – because NO he/she will not respect and love you for that, on the contrary. He might LISTEN to you – but on what cost.
I always tell my clients – I do not care if your pet listens to you, I care about how does he/she feels while doing it. That is completely different story.
Results are important but accent should be on how we are getting there.
Unless it is your goal to have him/her fear you?
Than you should question your motives in having a pet…
And of course that not all forms of punishment will everyone perceive as punishment. I am talking about most common forms of punishment – those that result in pain and fear either emotionally or physically.
And is love enough? Sometimes, yes it can be 🙂
But in raising a different specie we also should know as much as we can about it, and use that knowledge together with empathy, patience and love to achieve our goals.
While our main goal should be striving to develop a peaceful and mutually understanding relationship based on cooperation, respect and love.
And yes it is also best formula for true leadership.
Love this graph, it shows what is necessary for flourishing, which is important in my opinion for every being:
Other Blogs in English language
* Please excuse my English, it is not my primary language.
Jelena Kallay – Vagabond Positive Animal Communication
Dip. Animal Behavior Technology, Dip. ABT – CASI
Karen Pryor Academy Dog Trainer Professional Program, KPA – CTP
www.vagabond.com.hr
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